Suggestions in lieu of not being properly toilet trained!

By Stanley Collymore

This is a public toilet and you’re here simply to either

have a pee in it or, in conjunction with that action,

to essentially defecate – not read the daily news-

papers, cogitate on your personal problems,

how best you can solve the most urgent

ones or even the lot of them – some chance of the

latter ever materializing in an automated time

segmented, lavatory environment like this

one that you’re currently sitting in, or

to even craftily use your allotted

time in here to pleasurably

masturbate yourself

to an orgasm.

So do hurry up with whatsoever it is that you

either propose to or actually engaged in

doing, as you have only ten minutes

in the interim to finish whatever it is that you’ve

embarked on with apparent enthusiasm. And

hopefully after that, and when you’re quite

sure you’re done, suitably cleanse your

bottom and afterwards hygienically

thoroughly wash and dry your

hands. As besides, in the

growing queue outside,

there are other pro-

spective toilet

users urgently

waiting to

get in.

© Stanley V. Collymore

16 August 2019

Author’s Remarks:

You can, of course, if you so wish dismiss this poem simply as toilet humour, which naturally is your entitlement to do. But for me: a very staunch and an assuredly ongoing hygienist all my life, there’s a serious purpose to this poem that I’ve most consciously written.

Personal hygiene, unfortunately I have to say, isn’t a very strong point or customary practice in public facilities across Britain, and with many Britons – and you rightly know this – very much involved in that repulsive state of affairs.  Public toilets and restaurants being two amongst other venues that are wholly culpable in this; and one dreads to think of what actually goes on in many private UK homes.

Particularly so, when it’s well documented that significant numbers of British children of normal school age are turning up for school and the classes therein but who themselves have not even been properly potty-trained.

This conjoined with what is the customary situation in Britain – and please don’t try to deny this as the visible proof is there for anyone with eyes to see – where the routine washing of one’s hands after using the toilet is a rarity for many Brits; and consequently is on a par with winning the Euro-Millions jackpot lottery. So do something positive about your unhygienic practices, please!